Why Trying to Please Others Can Make Us Lose Ourselves: The Real Story Behind People-Pleasing

Have you ever felt like you had to do things just to make others happy, even if it meant ignoring what you really need? 

It’s something a lot of us go through. Let’s understand where this is coming from and see how we can stand up for our own needs.

Where is people pleasing coming from?

Imagine you as a child, depending on your parents for everything. If you displease your parents, would they yell at you? Punish you? Tell you that you are no good? As a child, you learn it’s better to do what your parents want, even if it’s not really what you want.

This pattern carries on. Your friends will only accept you if you are wearing certain cloths, your employers will only reward you if you “act professional”.

The problem: What if everyone stops loving me?

When you stop always trying to make everyone happy, it can cause a few challenges. For instance, at work, if you used to say yes to every task and suddenly start saying no, some colleagues might not like it or find it surprising. In your personal life, friends or family might be puzzled if you stop always going along with what they want. It’s like changing the rules in the middle of a game – it can take some getting used to. You might feel a bit uneasy because you worry about disappointing others, but it’s important to remember that being true to yourself is worth it in the end. So, even though there might be a few bumps along the way, standing up for what you really want can lead to more authentic and healthier relationships.

Breaking Free: Being Kind to Yourself

So, how do you stop doing things just to please others and start being true to yourself? 

It starts with knowing that your worth isn’t decided by what others think. You can be yourself, even if it means your parents, friends or colleagues might not agree.

Does that sound a bit too easy? I think so! Breaking free from people pleasing is a long and tricky process at the end of which we can be loved by ourselves and others for who we really are. 

The most important friendship we have is the one with ourselves. So, let’s treat ourselves with kindness, accept who we are, and remember that what we need and feel matters. That way, we break free from trying to please everyone and learn to love and accept ourselves for who we truly are.